Family is the most important thing you have. Please don't get me wrong family does not have to mean blood related, but the people who constantly surround yourself with and slightly annoy you but are always there. These are the people who no matter how much of a fuck up you can be still stand by you. Sometimes that's your relatives and sometimes its people you simply would call your relative. For me its a mix; my mom and sister are my rocks, my dad on the other hand I would rather go slowly insane in solitary confinement then talk to. I try also to surround myself with people who I can treat like they are one of my own. This time of year has been hard not being able to go back to my home town and having to be alone for the holidays. All though my blood wasn't with me my family was , I surrounded myself with people who care about me and treated me like I was one of their own.
This weekend I was in the hospital again for suicidal ideations. I'm not proud that I let myself get this low again but it happened and I need to share it. And it was the people who I call family that kept me alive and got me through it. I hate worrying people and being a burden but they are family , remember they want to help you. It was hard for me to reach out and say I needed help but it couldn't be ignored any longer. I had been suppressing it for months and it burst in a fit of hysterics. I can not say why exactly I found myself feeling this way, although it might be about letting a old flame back into my life for a day. Granted the depression started before then but that defiantly exasperated it. Its a lesson learned.
My point is that it is okay to reach out. As much as you may think your not worth it or you are a burden , to these people you aren't. They want to see you happy, and most will do a lot to see you happy. And if they aren't willing to help, they aren't worth your time , its them not you. They aren't real family. Surround yourself with people who care and instantly you will feel your spirits raised. Reach out, get help, stay strong.
Thank you Laura , Emily, Daniella and Bri for being my family
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