Relocation

New York is all I've even known, between Buffalo and the Hudson valley are the only two places I have ever called home. Now I am moving , to Florida, quite a change of scenery. New York and me have a lot of history, between working in the city , growing up in the in New Paltz, and starting school in Buffalo, it is all I have ever known. Yet I am excited and nervous , not really scared or sad, which tells me it is the right choice for me. New York as a whole has not been a positive experience for me. Between my abusive childhood , then being addicted to drugs and alcohol, an emotionally (sometimes physically) abusive two and a half year relationship, some sexual assaults, and countless failed friendships; I say its time! The last two years of my life have been a struggle (not that they weren't before, but this time completely on my own) finding out I have bipolar 1 , struggling with addiction, failing school, and more then a few passive friendships. It has been a lot to handle on my own. Financially even has taken its toll(part of bipolar is impulsive spending) that even further made me feel out of control. Swinging between manic and depressed with a constant intake of drug alcohol and sex, made me lose control of my life. Finally this winter (which if you know Buffalo's climate was not a mild one) I started to regain some elements of control and stability. My medical regime has been crucial, and I am now just finally sticking to my meds. Along with therapy and a lot of self reflection. Most of this is realizing who and what are actually important and necessary, what friends to keep contact with mostly but even down to what stuff is coming with me. One thing most recently I have done was weed through my facebook friends. I know it sounds silly or stupid , but it made me really evaluate who I care to keep contact with or even who I want to share my new life with. It was slightly liberating seeing who was dragging me down , saying mean or unconstructive things , and so on. Friendships have been increasingly hard lately. It seems that I can not hold down a friendship for anything. At first I blamed myself (as what I always do) then I realized I open myself up too much. I allow people to walk all over me because of my good nature and want to help everyone. Most people , I cant even say just in my age group because this happens to my mom as well, are just well self absorbed. And that is not me , will never be me and I am choosing to keep out of my life. So overall I am happy to be moving on, changing , growing and becoming healthy. Lets see if the Vitamin D really works its magic. *Plus my Grandmother ( who does energy work and spiritual stuff) says that there is good energy with my move, weather I belive? I don't know but I cant hurt and she is most always right.

Numbers

I think one of the biggest things to remember is sometimes we all feel this way. That 350 million in the world deal with depression and even more with anxiety. That 1 in 5 people in the US have a mental illness. 16 million in the US alone have had at least one episode of depression. To put that in perspective there are 318 million people in the US; that means more then the population of the US in the world deals with depression and about 5% od the US population has dealt with depression. 40 million deal with anxiety that is 12% of the population in the US. And that's only the reported numbers. Think of the actual numbers. Those may seem like relatively small numbers but that is a lot of people. Putting the chances that someone has dealt with it or understands at a much higher percentage. My point is that you are not alone. That there is no reason to be ashamed. Reach out chances are you will get a warm response and get the help you need. I feel like these 2 songs really grasp the idea that I'm trying to get at. That we all go through hard times , that everyone get sick at times and you will get through it. It may seem like hard times  are never ending but just take the good out of it , learn a leason, be sad , and get back up. 

 

Changing

Although I really love makeup , I am deciding to change up the center of this blog to be more about lifestyle(if that's the right word). Advice , hope, inspiration, my store, more then lifestyle. I want there to be a place that people who have mental health problems can look at a see that they aren't alone, get hope , and stay strong. Now I would like to keep some aspect of beauty to the blog, but I feel I can speak more to mental health then anything else. I have unfortunately too much experience with these problems and therefor can better speak to these troubles. Also there are a lot of beauty blogs but not nearly as many dedicated to these problems. It is a sensitive topic and I understand that, this wont always be easy to talk about but that's why it is needed on the internet. People do not fully understand these problems and there is a stigma associated with it, I hope to help shed some light and remove some stigma. Whether you are dealing with these problems yourself or know someone who is and are trying to help, I truly hope to help. I know I am simply a drop in an ocean but every drop helps, and I have to hold to that. Whether you fell like your drowning or your treading the water or doing laps, keep hope and stay strong.